What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 24.06.2025 07:19
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
China's electric cars are cheaper, but is there a deeper cost? - BBC
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I supercharged Google search with a three-key shortcut with custom results - Android Police
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Flight deal experts spot a surprise upcharge: Flying solo - The Washington Post
I was very sick at this time too.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Germany’s Merz ventures into Trump’s lion’s den - politico.eu
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Xbox finally reveals handheld console after decade of speculation - BBC
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I couldn’t, believe it.
Courtroom chaos erupts as Diddy supporter disrupts trial - WJAC
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Person With Deadly Virus Visited Popular Hudson Valley Restaurant - Hudson Valley Post
My family never makes their pension either.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Has your wife made you a cuckold?
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Put me off passion for life!!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Comes on , in middle age.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I never cut or harmed myself..
Im still living with it.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
She found it foreign!.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I said to her
Was to survive, this bastard.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
We were not on the streets..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I write beautiful poetry .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
All the time i was locked up.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
And i lived it daily.
I don,t even have a pension.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
This is how, and why children get BPD.
So, i spoilt her more .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Especially a lifetime of it.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
This is soul school!.
So whats the point in blame.
I was 9 years of age.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Would this be the day?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
She wouldn,t have been !
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
And who doesn’t know suffering?
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
My life is so biszare .
But, we were locked up after school.
He resisted the act ,that day.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I will be 64.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Ive learnt so much.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I think the readers, may guess!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
When she asked me how she looked .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
He knew the spot.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I have no regrets .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I was seconnd youngest,
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
What did i know ?
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
She loved him until the end.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
One cannot live in the past .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Who then, do I blame.?
It was going to be , some day.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I was scared of men, in general
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
She married twice! .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
But ive been too sick for many years..
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
As i do to all so called friends.?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
But it wasn’t much.
I waited trembling.
I could never make a relationship work though!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
We all went to grammer schools
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She was in good health!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..